Christmas Eve musings

It’s Christmas Eve.  I hear a lot of firecrackers from every direction in our neighborhood.  I lament that most of the Christmas decorations in people’s front lawns have little or nothing to do with the baby Jesus. 

I have truly enjoyed participating in various activities leading up to Christmas–decorating the church, practicing for the choir Christmas program, I even helped make my own opportunity to go Christmas caroling this year, something that is almost a thing of the past.  This evening we had our annual Christmas Eve Communion Service that was especially nice.

But inside I am wrestling with so many things.  I am envious of those who are able to keep a nice house and decorate it for Christmas.  This gift has elluded me as I spend so much of my free-time in front of my computer trying to make things happen.  I seem to stay head-over-heals in one project or another.  I finished knitting my black sweater Saturday night so I could wear it on Sunday.  I have a picture book manuscript and illustrations ready to send out to a publisher, but have found myself turned upside down when it comes to submitting it.  I did my homework and went to the bookstores to see which publishers come closest to making a good fit for my book.  But when I searched for each publisher online I came to the same dead end… They are not accepting unsolicited manuscripts.  Or they will only consider agented authors.  I’ve only contacted one agent so far, but he says he will not work with picture books because they are not lucrative.  He left me with the impression that no agents want to work with picture books.  My book is very good and it is part of a larger project that includes a very unique marketing plan.  I have been working on this project for a year and a half.  It is not half-baked.  I believe God gave me this vision for a reason, I just don’t understand all the dead ends.  I’ve had to be careful not to lean over my keyboard so I wouldn’t drip tears into it.  This has been a very blue day.

As I knelt at the kneeling rail for communion I saw the reflection of my face in the cross on the altar.  I believe God was reminding me that he cares for me and he hasn’t abandoned me.  I must continue to trust in him and remember that he is in control.  “All things work for the good of those who love the Lord, to those who are called according to his purpose.”  I’m asking for prayers of any who read this post.

I think I’ll dig out a few Christmas decorations and put them up in my house.  After all, Christmas is tomorrow.

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